


Footnote

by captainraz



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2018-01-01 18:11:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1047010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainraz/pseuds/captainraz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She swore she’d have moved on by now, maybe gone back to Bajor, found a nice safe job that allows for walks in the sunshine. But she hasn’t; she can’t. So she puts on their song and sings as loud as she can. In the end, the greatest love affair she’s ever had is little more than a footnote in her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Footnote

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song Footnote from The Modest Revolution by Enter the Haggis. The lyrics of this song are at the end. This fic also contains lyrics from I've Got You Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra.

 

Sleep fades away and awareness creeps back into the world, even before the blare of the alarm. Reluctantly Nerys climbs out of bed to start her day. Drink coffee, eat breakfast, have shower, put on uniform, paste on smile. The same things she does everyday, has done everyday for far too long. Every movement is mechanical, like she’s not really there. She looks around her quarters; they used to feel like home, but not any more. Home is seventy thousand light years away, and far beyond her reach. She goes to work, she does her job well. She smiles at her friends, accepts offers of drinks at Quark’s, dinner at their quarters, evenings in the holosuites. But it all feels empty. She always ends up back in her quarters, resenting the emptiness. She swore she’d have moved on by now, maybe gone back to Bajor, found a nice safe job that allows for walks in the sunshine. But she hasn’t; she can’t. So she puts on their song and sings as loud as she can.

 

_“I've got you under my skin…”_

 

Every surface of her quarters is covered in maps and star charts; places on Bajor she’s never been, planets that people have recommended to her. She’s even thought about stealing a runabout, or buying an old transport ship and fixing it up. Something to get her away from this place where she’s treading water. But the only place she wants to be is in his arms, and she can’t have that. So she goes nowhere. It hurts, knowing he’s out there somewhere, still loving her, and every day they’re apart makes the distance between them feel that much bigger. It’s been three years since the last time she saw him, when they kissed and said their goodbyes. She wonders what he’s doing now and puts on their song.

 

_“I've got you deep in the heart of me…”_

 

Sometimes it comes on when she’s in the bar. It’s a good song and lots of people like it. She tries to hide the fact that every time it does it feels like a knife to the heart, and a little bit more of her soul dies. Her friends and colleagues think she’s moved on, and she takes great pains to hide her pain from them. She doesn't even say his name any more, and has made it clear that she won’t tolerate others saying it. How long has it been since she last said his name out loud? Four, five years? Too long. Not long enough. The only thing she has left of him is their song; everything else was put away, too painful to look at. An ancient song is all she has left of the love of her life, and that kills her. So, every time she hears it, even though it hurts too much, she straightens her back and sings along with everything she’s got. Sometimes she gets the words wrong; she doesn’t care. This is all she has.

 

_“So deep in my heart that you're really a part of me…”_

 

In the end, the greatest love affair she’s ever had is little more than a footnote in her life. A tiny note at the bottom of a single page in the story of her life. Yet every time she reads she gets to that page and can’t read on. The words that come after don’t matter because he’s not part of her story. She knows there’s no triumphant return in the last chapter, because life really isn’t a fairy tale. Good doesn’t alway triumph over evil, the boy doesn’t alway get the girl and sometimes the price of peace is giving up that which you love most. So she lives. She lets people think she’s moved on when that is the furthest from the truth. She always keeps a recording of their song close to her, and sometime when the pain gets too much and the memories seem far too close, she puts it on. Because that’s all she has.

 

_“I've got you under my skin.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Another day  
> another cameo  
> another artificial heart beats on and on  
> he's got a job  
> he's got some furniture  
> and he's got friends who can't tell anything is wrong
> 
> but he hates his old apartment on the Gardiner  
> and he swears he won't be living here that long  
> it's been two years since that night down by the reservoir  
> but he'll always have that song  
>    
> he's got a car  
> and maps of everywhere  
> and he's put stars on every city name he knows  
> but he can't move  
> he can't go anywhere  
> cause he can't think of any place he wants to go
> 
> and he knows she's out there somewhere chasing hurricanes  
> putting miles between them every day she's gone  
> it's been three years since she left him in Toledo  
> but he'll always have that song  
> and every time that it comes on he sings along
> 
> and it kills him when he hears it on the radio  
> but all his friends are glad he's finally moving on  
> it's been five years since he said her name to anyone  
> but he'll always have that song
> 
> and every time that it comes on  
> even if he sings it wrong he sings alone
> 
> -Footnote, Enter the Haggis


End file.
